the smallest things that remind you of the 'biggest' people

It's amazing how many things you find when you are clearing out your room! And it's also pretty amazing how it seems so difficult to throw out anything. Maybe it's just me, but there always seems a reason to keep everything!

I am very happy about finding so many things (finally!) (: heh... and I'm pretty glad that I managed to clean up so well that my mom has stopped nagging too (:

I was clearing out my desk and finally found my spare keys in a random pouch. This is truly an important discovery because it could possibly save my life! Of course that's an exaggeration, but it could save me from potentially locking myself out of my own house again by forgetting to return my key it's rightful place after my run. Instead, I so often risk leaving it in my running shorts and letting it get lost in my washing machine or letting my mom find them in a soaking pair of shorts when she hangs them up to dry. It wasn't funny then. I mean, when I couldn't get into my own house. I was wearing my long turquoise skirt that day (and mind you, it was a very VERY warm humid day), so I was practically melting. I couldn't just stand there and do nothing?! As a last resort, I hoisted up my skirt to my knee, tied it in a knot, and in desperation tried to pick the lock with a hairclip. HAHA yes. TRIED TO PICK THE LOCK TO MY OWN HOUSE. HAHAHA take that!

I remembered how i discovered, with much horror, that after opening the front catch of the lock, I needed to turn the inner catch simultaneously in order to open the door. As to how I observed the makings of the interior of the lock, they're all observations made from putting my eye as close to the key hole and peering in, using the sunlight to brighten up the inside and at the same time hoping that I wouldn't block it off myself. So, I spent about half an hour trying to break (which included twisting, banging, flexing, biting) my hair pin in half. But after half an hour, I gave up. I must say, Japanese bobby pins have proven themselves to be of superior quality! Even after all THAT treatment, it was just bent in an L with the black coating coming off slightly at the bend but with no other visible damage. At least I can say that I tried (which did not just include the bobby pin, but also, pens and an attempt at creating a cardboard key).

Okay back to the part about cleaning out my room, I made an exciting discovery that about half my pens and markers in my holder were already dried out (haha of course I readily threw away these.. there was nothing for me there). AND I found the long-lost can of Veet, still in its packaging, at the back of my bookcase! Hahaha! So random right! Last round when I was looking for it, it just refused to appear and I ended up buying another one which I didn't really use actually. But I mean, who would think of looking in a bookcase for a can of Veet?!? And I wonder who the silly nuthead was... The one who put it there in the first place.

There were several other nice things I found too! Like my Mg diary from sec 4 which had these huge orange scribbles that scream "O LEVELS! O LEVELS!" and "STUDY!!!" every few pages. Oh, and this really nice photo album of Cherie and I when we were 6, jumping around in a huge net, prancing around in swimming costumes and a bit of my birthday party. Then I chanced upon Roald Dahl's Revolting Rhymes which until now is incredibly funny! Hahaha... so although I'm 18 it's still sitting on my bookshelf. I found a random sheet of our secondary one group's composition. It's not complete though, just a random page that picks up from the middle and has no end. It was about some 'monster' which I think is supposed to be a piece of antique furniture of some sort (maybe a hideous one, judging from the description given)... and I don't know how we came up with a name such as "Sai Khong". Haha. I picked up my primary-lower sec diary as well. Which has this huge anime dark-haired huge-eyed girl with an oversized head, as compared to her body, on the cover. Read a few pages and smiled at some, laughed at others and realized how much things have changed. 

Then there are the other things that are really quite random things that I can't bear to throw away because they bring back memories. Like the Blood donation drive that came to our school... you know, they gave donors that puffy red stress-heart (well, it isn't a ball) thing to squeeze? Yeah, it's on my desk. I didn't even go to donate cos I was apparently underweight. It's Sean's. Hahaha my excuse? Well.. you never know when you need something to squeeze when you're stressed out right? Especially with uni coming round... heh.

I can't bear to throw out alot of other stuff as well... because they remind me of many special people, even in the smallest ways.

Anyway, hope everyone is doing great (: Hopefully some of you shall join me as fellow SMUs (Smoos! Haha).

lovezab

Observations of a social scientist

I made a simple yet sudden discovery today.

It is that the colour green is one of the most beautiful colours in the world.

I made another discovery along with that, too.

It is that if one day, the vibrant lustre and brillant hues of green were to wash away into a mouldy grey, I might just die from sadness.

I don't know about you, but I always dream of running around in meadows and rolling in the grass like a pig rolls in mud. Wouldn't that be just great? If the temperature could just be a few degrees lower, together with the assurance of antlessness centipedelessness millipedelessness wormlessness (or in essence, simply yuckilessness), I would gladly be a grassy pig.

Ahh... that's life. Rolling around in the grass all day...

Okay, maybe not all day.

Somehow the sprays of green reminded me of primary school when we used to run to the flowers that lay just a little way off from the main gate during recess to taste the sweet nectar. It was magical to us, then. Then again, everything was magical to us then, considering our vivid young imaginative minds and non-stop daydreaming of princesses and handsome knights that save them from all sorts of disasters. I remember how we used to act out Peter Pan and the like during recess. Thinking back, I can't believe I ever agreed to skipping recess for play acting. I thoroughly enjoyed it then, for I always got to be the beautiful princess who was in need of saving. Hahaha.

Perhaps it was sadistic pleasure at watching my friends Peter Pan and Captain Cook fighting over me. Just maybe, perhaps.

Just maybe, too, that was a joke.

Anyway, reminiscing got the best of me at the top of the overhead bridge too. I was crossing halfway when I looked down and saw the cars zooooming by beneath. It struck me. The game we used to play, the running-across-the-bridge-and-trying-not-to-get-hit-by-the-cars-that-would-never-really-hit-us-in-the-first-place game. It was really fun, and made the overhead bridge seem like a far more tedious journey than indeed it was. I was in the midst of picturing us as little girls running to and fro across the bridge playing that game and pondering over the extent of hilarity it might have provoked in passers-by, when all of a sudden out of nowhere a short trail of laughter escaped from my lips.

Next thing I knew, a boy walked by looking rather awkward. Probably wondering if he had heard correctly, which indeed he had.

I just pretended nothing happened and that he had indeed heard wrongly due to the many occasions when he had delayed cleaning out his ears (whether this is true or not of course I wouldn't know) and thus his earwax was playing tricks on him.

It's just like how people fart and pretend they weren't the ones who did it. Instead, they pinch or rub their noses and look at everyone else as if they are the suspects of this highly-performed crime. I noticed this on trains on unfortunate occasions and on one extremely ill-fated evening in a cinema. Of course in the cinema it's much easier to play detective and figure out who-dunnit because everyone's seated in rows. All you have to do is sniff for concentrations and make mathematical calculations and BINGO you pinpoint the seat and the guilty one who is trying to look inconspicuous by gently vanishing into the cushions.

That said, of course you wouldn't want to do too much of that. Sniffing for concentrations I mean. And of course you wouldn't do it on purpose. Firstly because you might faint, secondly because if you faint you'll miss out on the movie, thirdly because if you faint and miss out on the movie then you're not making your money's worth and lastly, you'd just be plain weird to want to smell a fart that badly.

Not that you can help it of course. Afterall, you are human. You still have to breathe.

Talking about public transport, I do wish that people would be more sensitive towards other people's needs. Sometimes it's pretty darn obvious that someone needs the seat more than them. I mean, afterall if one is really that dense, it isn't difficult to observe the colourful stickers that pop out from everywhere that says "GIVE UP THESE SEATS TO PEOPLE WHO NEED IT MORE THAN YOU DO" together with little black figure representations. Okay, I understand that sometimes you are just really too tired to move, and that if it were a better day you might have considered the option. But if you were to put your bag or belongings on the otherwise empty seat next to you when the rest of the seats are already taken, I think that's just being plain selfish. Worse still, they pretend to be sleeping. They're guilty and they know it! Once the bus is on the move, their eyes pop open. When the bus approaches and stops at a bus stop to pick up passengers, their eyelids seem to be suddenly weighed down by tiny weights. Why tiny weights? Why, because if you look carefully enough, you'll catch the guilty ones that are always peeking. Of course the way-guilty ones, who are also the most experienced, don't even have to peek. They go auto.

Ever noticed how the trains seem to inject an odourless colourless sleep gas every time they stop at stations? Suddenly everyone seated is drowsy, eyes are shut tight, and heads are nodding.

lovezab

We lift our eyes to You

Did you see the beautiful sky this morning? And did you realize that there's a new one everyday? I think too many of us are so caught up in our pursuits that we forget to appreciate fully what He creates for us every day, every moment.

I'm so glad I'd taken the time to watch the sunrise. Even now, the sky is beautiful as ever. It's the first thing I look at and really thank God for every morning.

Then, a while back while I was on my way home, I was looking up at the sky again and I don't know why but it suddenly hit me that the God who creates the sky, clouds, trees, each blade of grass, everything, everything so awesome and majestic actually bothers to think about and care for me, a puny human being in a world full of Billions of people.

Not just me, but all His children. No matter where we may be, no matter what we have done, He still watches over us. It just hit me all of a sudden as if I finally understood what it really means and I felt like crying. I mean, what did we do to deserve it?

I realized that a lot of us try and take things into our own hands all the time. But sometimes, we must really try to let go, and give it to Him. And I mean really casting our burdens and worries onto Him and not simply just saying so. It's not easy and it doesn't mean to completely stop worrying about everything, but rather to try our best to bring Him glory, to make him proud and then to leave the rest in His hands.

We are often so burdened that we are no longer as happy as we should be as we have been saved. And it must be really tiring to create something new every day for someone, only to have that person not appreciate or even notice it.

For me, the sky was the best place to begin. It's so vast, limitless, majestic, beautiful, glorious and ever-changing yet still the same sky.

Dear Lord, thank you for choosing to bless me in the way that you have. I don't know what I ever did to deserve it and why you chose, of all people, me - that you may give me more than a roof over my head, that I may not worry about where my next meal is going to come from, that I may have nutritious delicious food every day, that I may have proper shoes on my feet and proper clothes to wear that guard me from the weather and prevent my feet from blistering, that I have had the opportunity of a proper education and a future to look forward to and to entrust to You.

So many of us complain about so many things, but why should we?

Sometimes, I think we should be embarrassed. Not wanting to eat something substandard when children elsewhere are fighting to get scraps of food out of what the dump truck brings to the rubbish yard. It's not easy not to reject something when we know we could get something better, but we should think about what that dish could have been to a poor child... and take that extra bite or two.

You might have spent only $2 on it, but that same $2 would mean the ability to watch 2 more sunrises to a poor child.

I pray that one day, we can bring a smile to the faces of these poorer children of God, and may they be blessed through those who have already been blessed.

These lyrics are taken from a song called "Grace will be my song" from a American Christian band called Fee. It's a really great song. Look at the words and what they mean. I'll try and upload the song onto this blog when I can:

Grace will be my Song by Fee

Jesus Jesus Jesus

You ransomed one like me

Jesus Jesus Jesus

Your blood, my liberty

and now my shame is gone

and grace will be my song

Jesus Jesus Jesus

Lover of the weak

Jesus Jesus Jesus

With strength to carry me

and now my shame is gone

and grace will be my song

Glory glory glory to the one who saved my soul

Glory glory glory to the ever lasting Lord

Glory glory glory to the King who sits enthroned, our God

lovezab

Exploitation maxed out

I have just realized that not only am I 'exploited' (haha) by my students (who tried to make a human wall at the classroom door to prevent me from leaving, and all through my long tedious journey back to the staff room), I am also being exploited by mosquitoes.

Of all times to get sick, I think I'm falling ill right now. Plus I have some more interviews and assessments to go for soon. Nasty. Talk about bad timing. Well, then again, falling sick is always nasty and is always at a bad time.

So as I was saying, I was really tired in the afternoon and just sprawled out on the sofa in my living room and fell into a deeeeppppp slumber. When I woke up, Oh-My-Stars! Itch itch itch. ARGHHHhhhh. The mosquitoes had made use of my sedate nature to attack. These mozzies are MIGHTY BLOOD SUCKERS I tell you. In every sense of the word (Or words).

They must be really clever mozzies too. Cos when I'm armed with a roll of paper and ready to begin my swatting mission, they're never there. NEVER. And the thing is I really don't understand why they have to leave us with bites. Afterall, we ARE the KIND donors. As in, I know they have to inject their 'saliva' and all to prevent the blood from clotting but why must it cause a little pink itchy bump!? ): blahhh.

But actually, come to think of it, yeah it might be a good thing. At least we won't suddenly end up in hospital, low on blood, without knowing what hit (or sucked the hell out of) us.

School was alright today. It was really funny though, that when I went into one of my sec 1 classes for the first time, one of the first questions they asked me was "Um madam, do you know a Miss.. (look at each other) uhh Miss.. what?.. uh Chew? Zabrina is it? OH yes, uh, Miss Zabrina Chew?"

Funnier it was, when I said "HAHA that's me." The reaction was a slight pause, and then a heap of "OH"s. Right. Hahaha. Nice. It was hilarious!

It's really amazing what a variety of performances pops out when I get my classes to do class performances. From purely instrumental performances to groups so hyped up about the song that they sing and dance in ways I have never seen before in my life (including jumping the wrong way and crashing into the door), it's really probably the most fun music lessons ever! Haha even they were laughing about their own performances. There were some really professional and musical ones as well. I think this is what education should be - learning and applying knowledge and skills with an element of fun (not too much, of course). I think it's a pity when students lose interest in a subject, of which most never ever come to like the subject again, because it was 'boring', 'pointless' or poorly taught.

In any case, this job is really great. I mean really! Even though I may be occasionally 'exploited' by getting 'madam'ed for no reason, and not to mention having to wake up so super uberly early in the morning, it's really fun to teach most of the classes. Although of course there are always those who really can't be bothered, at the end of the day, I think it's those who can be bothered that really make my day. And not only that, I think their enthusiasm or interest makes the class all the more enjoyable for everyone ((:

So, well. That was my day. In any case, I hope the i-scream yogurt auntie will still be at the roundabout on monday. I suddenly have a craving for blueberry + longan + oreo yogurt (sounds gross but it's real good) that will probably last me till then.

lovezab

Planetshakers! Tim Hughes!

Dear Diary,

The Planetshakers and Tim Hughes concert on friday night was greaaattt! It was really so awesome and there were such big moments in that one. I am so sooo glad I went. Haha it really felt like a big revival! Completely awesome and such fantastic worship (:

On Friday I met up with Cheryl at around 415 at City hall to walk around and have dinner before the concert. I was accessorize (again) then both of us headed off to Marina Square. Haha I don't know why everytime I have to wait for Cheryl Sim, I'll end up at accessorize, and she'll always happen to catch me at the same corner. Lol. Met up with Xin, and had dinner at MOF. Cheryl and I both had Salmon Sashimi Bentos, and she blames me for her addiction to sashimi ever since the last time I brought her to Sushi Tei at Raffles City. Haha, well it can't be that bad a thing right! They served it pretty fast, and it was really funny watching Cheryl trying to find the Wasabi (which was in the bento box, but turns out she didn't think of opening it just yet). And when she finally did, I don't know how she did it but she had this laughable wasabi-moment. The ball of wasabi just tumbled off and landed in a tiny splash in the middle of the sauce. Okay, so it's not that funny... but it was, then. We were laughing like mad! And afterwards we couldn't eat properly because everytime I looked at the wasabi LUMP in the middle of the sauce, I'd replay her wasabi-moment in my mind, look at her and grin, then we'd both burst out laughing. Heheh. Then the waitress who kept serving us tea came at a bad time, and when she asked if we wanted more tea, we just ended up rolling into balls of laughter. I think she was seriously damn amused. HAHA. Then again, who wouldn't be! Dessert was good. Matcha ice-cream never ceases to make my day (:

So we headed off on the MRT towards the expo. We were busy chatting then suddenly Cheryl looked out and saw "Tanah Merah". Then...:

Mad Rush Part 1

"should we alight??"

"HUH are you sure!"

"YES YES YES THIS IS THE STOP LAHH!"

(everyone is standing with one foot in the train and the other on the platform)

"EHHHHHhhh aiiyyeeeeerrr alight or not! What are we doing in the middleee!!"

"GoGoGOOOOOO!!!!"

(everyone rushes for the other end of the platform and hops onto the train)

Mad Rush Part 2

"is this the stopp??"

(Peers out)

"YES YES!! EXPO EXPO!!!"

"okay! out out out!"

(squish. Sardine-like)

"AHHHHhhh get outtttt!!"

(finally make it out. Zab looks around)

omg!

Cheryl: why is it so crowded!!?!

Zab:  (-_-') I think they're ALL going for the concert!!

Cheryl: HA-HA no way...

Zab: Yes! Chiong chiong!

(everyone sees escalator. everyone heads for escalator in a gigantic wave)

(squish. Sardine-like)

(Zab Cheryl and Xin are on the escalator)

Zab: (Kiasu syndrome sets in) "Ehhh get ready your wallet." (Turns around)

(Cheryl is happily clutching her wallet)

Cheryl: Haha I took it out damn long ago

Zab: Wahhh looks like you're seriously more kiasu than me mann!

(we get off the escalator)

Mad Rush Part 3

(Everyone is walking briskly)

Zab: Ehh... why is everyone walking so fast!

Cheryl: All want good seats lah!

Zab: Ehhh.... I think we should hurry! (Zab starts to run)

Cheryl: HAHA are you serious! (Cheryl and Xin start to run)

(3 Mad girls running through the brisk-walking crowd, with Zab finding it so ridiculous she begins to laugh and run at the same time, resulting in minor hiccups)

Later on, we heard from Xin that as she was hurrying by some people she heard them saying:

"EHhh. why are those girls running?"

"I also don't know!"

Turns out, in the end we weren't the only ones running. Suddenly, everyone was running too. hahaha.

But in any case, I'm glad we did. We got good seats in the centre block and could see the stage and that was great.

Anyway, i gtg now. ((:

lovezab

happiness is bliss

Dear Diary,

I am very happy. 

Thank you Lord for all the wonderful blessings and being so kind to me.

Thank you Lord for always being there for me when I needed You though sometimes it doesn't appear to be that way.

The Lord is risen.

And He is Alive indeed. (:

lovezab

maybe it's time to sleep

Dear Diary,

Maybe it's time to sleep

to put away the thoughts for the day.

Things can take to so many meanings

and each meaning is so different from the others.

The problem is trying to convey the right meaning across

but what if the lines between the meanings are so unclear?

I think some things should have been left there all along.

The fortress, why did it fall?

There's always a danger, isn't there?

Of getting too close to something. Or someone.

And when you do,

the happier you get,

the more blessed you feel,

you suddenly think about what happens if one day it all goes away.

What if... What if.

Meanings, words, meanings.

Sometimes I think I can't quite get them anymore.

Then I start searching for some type of feeling, emotion, thought.

Empty. Void. Where are they?

I still have feelings of course, I'm still human.

Perhaps they are hiding? Perhaps they know that it's always too dangerous to feel too close to something? or someone?

The destination is far off, yet.

The journey is going to be a long and trying one.

The destination seems so far off.

It scares me.

It really does.

In fact, it scares the hell out of me.

I know I shouldn't be afraid. If not, I'd have to be afraid of everything, almost.

That would be really tiring.

I wouldn't be able to survive that.

Maybe it's time to sleep.

Put the thoughts away into a chest and lock it, if I could.

Just go away.

Leave me alone.

Maybe sometimes it's better to be empty, like nothing in the world moves you.

I don't want to be empty.

Teach me how not to be afraid.

I don't want to be afraid.

Maybe I should really adopt the whatever-happens-happens motto.

Maybe I shouldn't care so much about what is going to happen.

Maybe I really shouldn't care.

Because whatever-happens-happens, isn't it?

Maybe, Maybe, Maybe.

Maybe, also, it's time to sleep.

lovezab